Sense of belonging (St H)

Today is thanksgiving. And of all days, I think today is the best day to be a little introspective. (somewhere in the back of my memory I remember the hallway walks I had with Lin just talking about introspection, and I'm still amazed that became her ISU topic way back in grade 10, 2011). It all began when I was walking down the long corridor of the third floor of St. Hilda's. Upon reaching my room I realized that the tingling sense of me not being part of Trin was gone, the sense of me not belonging to Toronto, Canada was gone and most of all, the sense of me not being part of a collective society where studies are prioritized more than anything else was gone. Those were the days when I thought that my being from Malaysia brought 1) a sense of surprise "Wow, that's so cool!" (whether sincere or not, I haven't the knowledge) 2) a sense of 'rejection' (for a lack of a better word) 3) a sense of being different. I came to realize that I actually like it here, in St Hilda's College Residence. I've stayed here for 40/42 possible nights, and the strangest thing is that I noticed that the attitude I came with determined how I perceived St H. Let's go back to Frosh Week.

At 8am, the eager me with Vanessa and her bf came in a taxi with me to St H to unload my stuff and help me set-up my bed. From the taxi, I saw the front lawn of St H in all of it's messyness, with crayon-like substance writing on the road saying, "Welcome 1T8!" With loud music pumping and Frosh Leaders donning blue, my first concern of carrying 10 different bags, 2 of which were big boxes was gone when I said, "Room 340, No-Name". Walking empty handed into the building, I took all of the sights in with great enthusiasm and joy. It is one thing to see your residence for the next 8 months while on tour, and another when you move-in.

I got my bearings right the first time to my room, and opening my door, I said I would love the room no matter what and that's what happened; I loved it. Tucked away in a corner, my room is the ideal room for fights to occur between roommates with no set clearly defined space separating the two beds. I know this in hindsight because I've seen a few double rooms and should I take a chalk and draw a line in the middle of their rooms, it would have been more possible than for I to draw a line in the middle of my room. Putting potential roommate conflicts aside, I chose the bed beside the non-functioning fireplace. My table faced the wall so whenever someone walks in my room (not that there have been many so far, no more than 10 including my roommate), my back will be facing them.

After unpacking, I had a final meal with Vanessa and her bf before they 'dumped' me in St H, where I am currently typing this piece. Since then, I've really complained a lot about St H. I hated (and still dislike to a certain extent) how I have to climb 4 flights of stairs to get to my room every day, how I have to deal with residents moving my washed wet clothes from inside the machine to the top of the machine without my consent in the laundry room, how I have to contend with residents of Kirkwood/No-Name taking my eggs AND ham, and how I have to walk from St H to Trin Proper just for lunch and dinner every day. Looking back now, climbing those stairs and walking to Strachan Hall (for food) every day has made me lose weight and have a nice(r) body shape. My room on the third floor is also a lot better than those who stay in the basements of St. H, where one resident has reportedly said it was "similar to a prison".

My floor has also made me less conservative in my thoughts, not just because my floor is the only floor where girls and guys are potentially next door neighbours to each other, but also because girls have repeatedly used the boys washroom (which somehow still puzzles me as to why we still have a gender binary washroom system in the world... 'to be discussed in another piece') I still haven't gotten over people taking my food and moving my clothes around though. Delving deeper, my walk on that quiet corridor earlier today made me feel like St H was better than home. Don't get me wrong, I love my Queen/King size bed back home, with my super long table and leather chairs and AWESOME FOOD.. I just feel like being here isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Here there's Derek, Shuen, Chirag, Anita, Sofia, Vic, Hunter, Rex, Will, Jas, Doyun, Dom... and so many more people that has made living here less intimidating. Sure, the other 6 colleges in U of T may hate us for repeatedly saying, "QUALITY (us) QUANTITY (them)" and "Vic Loves Trin? Trin Loves Trin" but being the smallest sure does has its perks. Dons, Strachan cookies (just the cookies, mind you), Common Rooms with free condoms, ancient furnitures, great study spaces, four pianos to use (two in St H itself!) and friendly people who are highly opinionated and well-versed in almost anything and everything. I no longer feel like the one person who has to explain everything, or be at the mercy of someone saying, "Just Google it man" or be told that I'm a "walking wikipedia". Here everyone excels in something, like I had this most fascinating convo about the monarchy in the Netherlands, with its strong links to William of Orange and in another convo I heard gossip about the British monarchy and how Prince George messes things up for Prince Harry in terms I never could've imagined. In the weeks leading up to the Scottish referendum on independence, all the convos in Strachan was based on people's well-informed opinion on the impacts and significance of what independence would mean not only to Scotland and the UK, but to the rest of the world, China and the Xinjiang province, Spain and the Catalonians...

 Trin has undoubtedly created a sense of belonging. Here wisdom and knowledge is the common goal of all. We strive and thrive together to achieve what we want, and Strachan cookies enrich our lives. Borrowing a reference from Divergent, the Erudite said that comments that are correct must be affirmed, and we affirm all comments in that sense too. While I'm still of the opinion that residents in Trin Prop don't know about breakfast options in St H because they are (based on my speculation) 1) lazy 2) unaware 3) content with Strachan food, I believe that staying in St H was still the better option for me. Sure I don't have a pretty quad to look at every morning I wake up, but I do have a window with birds coming to build a nest to rest their young by it. I definitely can't go and see the Bursars at their office or the registrar and ask for academic help at any convenient time because I don't stay at Trin Prop, but I do have access to see the Dean of Students at any time and ask them to address my living issues. For example, I actually did start a FB poll on the Trin 1T8 group to ask whether we should ask the Dean to turn on the heat, and while I'm not saying my single poll lead to a single causation of the heat being turned on, the heat did get turned on the next day by the engineers. I may not be able to go to eat meals in my pyjamas, but I do have the ability to make my own food with decent kitchens (albeit the food-stealers, grr). So really, the people who makes the great community and the excellent atmosphere has really drawn me more and more into liking my new life.

While I rate this new experience only 8/10 for a lack of good food, for if I did get MALAYSIAN FOOD into St H, St H will be a living paradise for me (char kuay teow, hokkien mee, nasi lemask, roti telur, wanton mee, nasi goreng, char siu bau, hakkau siumai, satay, cendol, ais kacang, milo ais...), St H has treated me really well. Especially after what happened last night. Especially because of what happened last night. My eyes are closing voluntarily! nitezzzzzz